First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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