does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
