I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize