Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
