I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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