I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
