I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
