Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
