i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
