im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
