it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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