ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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