Moan for me like Helen Keller
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize