I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I deserve this hangover.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
