he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
