You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
not ubering you a puppy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
