Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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