just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
