This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
