too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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