dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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