The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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