Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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