and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
