I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
