in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
