and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize