A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We smell like vodka and hangover
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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