I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
