U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
