This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
