Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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