ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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