Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
