I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
