Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
