i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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