a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
