It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
