winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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