I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
