I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
