it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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