Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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