i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
