i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
