just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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