hell yes lets make some ravioli
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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