hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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