Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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