Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love having hate sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
