She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
