found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
