new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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