can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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