Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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