don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I didn't notice because vodka
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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