He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
