Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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