i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
