We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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