I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
