I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
