You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
