Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
