bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
