Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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