i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
