I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
