dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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